So, you want to make an indie game? Of course you do! Everyone’s doing it and making tons and tons of cash from sales. So today, I’ll provide you a quick guide on how to make a successful indie game to impress your friends, show off your talent and make you into a millionaire!

Step 1- The Planning Stage

First off, let’s decide what type of game you want to make. How about a shooter? Or a puzzle game? Maybe even a platformer? Brainstorm a bunch of ideas before deciding to just copy whatever’s popular and has the most sales on Steam or views on Youtube! Now that that’s out of the way, you need to think of what the story and characters are going to be like. Forget making your mechanics interesting and gripping or even at all original, just focus on making your story gritty and ‘meaningful’. Once you’ve done that, try and shoe-horn your mechanics that someone else thought of, around your well-crafted and thought-provoking story. Don’t stop to think if the mechanics work well with your story or help act as metaphor, just graft them together like some horrific Frankenstein’s Monster of code and writing!

Step 2- Making a First Build

Now that you have ideas of what your story and mechanics will be, it’s time to build a prototype. Either make the game engine yourself and not bother to test it or just take the bare essentials from an engine like Unity or Unreal and then not bother to use any other assets besides the ones that come with the program. If you are going down the first route, you need a unique art style to hook players in, something that’s never been seen before, like 8-bit pixel art! Make sure you make the art incredibly minimalist and look like practically every other 2D indie game out there, just to be ironic. If you are using an engine, make sure you add absolutely no extra assets or any of your own models. Just use the stock ones or ones made by other people to save you the effort! It worked for Earth: Year 2066, so it will no doubt work for you! Also, now’s the time to decide that your original mechanics were useless, with all those premade levels which took thought and time to make and just make everything procedurally generated! That’ll save you so much time. Keep your original story intact as no doubt it will still make sense with the new direction you’ve taken.

Kickstarter. Where indie dreams are born. Or where they crash and burn horribly.

Step 3 – Raising Money and Marketing your Game

Now that you’ve made your very first build which is incredibly bare bones and hardly works, it’s time to start drumming up sales and publicity! Make a Kickstarter campaign about your game, showing off footage which will not resemble the final product at all and promise stretch goals which are never going to happen, just to get your cash in. Spam social media to get your game out to the public. Make tons of Youtube videos, showing you playing the game with hilarious commentary! Once you have eventually made your goal by using your brilliant business strategy, instantly release the game on Steam Early Access and charge full price for a game which barely functions!

Step 4- Publicity

Now that your game is out to the general public, you need to work on your public image. Take someone’s art and use it in your promotional material without crediting the artist. Harshly moderate your Steam forum, replacing negative comments with positive ones with accounts you made yourself, which doesn’t look at all suspicious! Rant on Twitter to annoy those who quite rightly says your game is terrible and remember, to not actually do any work on your game. You’re on Steam Early Access which means your game can stay in pre-alpha with no actual improvements until the eventual mob of angry customers and journalists come for your smart business decisions! Don’t worry though, you can just remove the game from Steam, pocket the Kickstarter cash and move on with your life!

There you have it, the 4 easy steps to making an indie game. I’m sure the Game of the Year Awards and kudos from every corner of the Internet will just fly in after you release your magnum opus to the masses. Happy coding!

WARNING: Do not actually take any of this advice to heart when making a game. You’ll look incredibly silly and no doubt be ripped apart by most people on the Internet.