Today marks St George’s Day in England. The completely 100% true story goes that St George slayed the last dragon in England to stop fair maidens being sacrificed for it. Now we have no dragons, but a shed load of fair maidens.
Maybe if the dragon was a bit different we’d still have them roaming the countryside. Here’s five video game dragons even the most famous professional dragon exterminator would think twice about taking out.
5 — Spyro
Spyro first found fame in 1998 on the original PlayStation. A 3D platformer which set our young dragon out on a quest to save his fellow dragon-folk from the crystal prisons. Spyro spawned a whole series of sequels and spin-offs, with varying degrees of success. However, it wasn’t until Activision’s money-making Skylanders that Spyro became relevant again. Players buy and collect physical toys of the characters, which then allow them to be played in-game, using unique abilities to them.
Reason St George would have left him alone: With literally hundreds of Skylanders characters available to buy, George would have had little to no gold coins left to buy an actual spear in which to slay him with.
4 — Dungeon Keeper’s Dragon
Before the horrific monstrosity that was EA’s Dungeon Keeper mobile game, Dungeon Keeper was one of the best RTS/God Sim hybrid games around. Developed by Peter Molyneux’s now defunct Bullfrog Productions in 1997, Dungeon Keeper allowed players to build a dungeon, attract creatures and take on other keepers. The dragon was, without a doubt, my favourite creature. Attracted by gold and libraries, this monster was not only a nerd researching spells and room types, but a formidable opponent against any would be attackers. If you could get one of these babies to level ten and transfer him to every new level, you’d have a fully fledged dungeon in no time. All without the death of a single fair maiden (unless they attacked his library).
Reason St George would have left him alone: Ol’ George may have learned a thing or two from these wise and powerful lizards, it would be like slaying those people who do chessboxing: completely unnecessary.
3 — Charizard
Through a mixture of age and monetary constraints I’ll always be a Generation 1 Pokefan, and why wouldn’t I be when the best dragon type came from one of the three starter Pokemon (yes I know he’s not technically a dragon type but look at him). With the ability to learn devastating fire moves such as Inferno and Firespin, as well as 3 of the 5 HMs, Charizard was my go-to heavy hitter. He also had a staring role in the anime, where he famously refused to listen to Ash’s commands, resulting in near death. After a night of selfless acts by Ash to stop him from perishing, Charizard become loyal to the end, and was inducted into the Orange Island’s Hall of Fame.
Reason St George would have left him alone: How else is George going to defeat the Elite Four without one of these on his belt?!
2 — Ridley
Coming from the Metroid games, Ridley is a near indestructible foe that Samus has faced countless times. Either through near-death survival or reanimation and upgrading via the Space Pirates, Ridley (or Meta Ridley, or Omega Ridley, or Neo-Ridley) is still as formidable as ever. Often portrayed as violent and destructive, Ridley is actually a lot smarter than he looks. He commands a large Space Pirate army, and was responsible for the killing of Samus Aran’s mother when Samus was a child. Thus, a long and arduous nemesis relationship was formed which carries on to this day.
Reason St George would have left him alone: Poor George, even if he managed to slay this foul beast he’d still have to do it again a few years later, and again after than.
1 — Yoshi
Yoshi is referred to both as a dinosaur and dragon, so he’s here. Originally developed as Mario’s ride in 1990’s Super Mario World, Yoshi’s portfolio now includes a whole wealth of solo adventures, spin offs and cartoons. Not to mention, he’s always available for sporting and racing events with the Mushroom Kingdom’s inhabitants. With a ferocious appetite, and the ability to turn almost anything he swallows into useful throwing eggs, he’s saved Mario’s skin on more than one occasion. He has never really received enough thanks from Mario – infact he was often used as a throw away sidekick, left to plummet to his doom just so Mario could jump a bit higher. Have sanctuary here in England, Yoshi.
Reason St George would have left him alone: Yoshi had it tough in the old days (which is where St George comes from, obviously). George would have took pity, and used him as a noble stead. He’s just too cute to slay – even if he accidentally turned a few fair maidens into eggs.
Any other dragon’s St George would have had a hard time slaying? Let us know in the comments below.